Joseph Delvey Jr PhD

My work with couples is informed by decades of clinical practice and focuses on the following issues:

• marital crisis due to infidelity
• uncontrolled criticism and blame
• boundaries with work, children or in-laws
• emotional withdrawal
• sexual conflicts, sexual dysfunction

Getting Started

I prefer not to meet with a couple together in the same session. You may think this unusual, but allow me to explain. Sadly, many times the outcome of traditional couples therapy does not live up to expectations. I know this to be true because half the couples I've seen have not been helped in previous counseling despite their good intentions. Some have dropped out after one or two sessions, well before significant matters could be resolved.

There are common sense reasons for this. It is extremely awkward and even humiliating to sit in a psychologist's office and have your spouse present a list of your personal failings. Sometimes this is done out of a desperate attempt to help the psychologist quickly understand what is "wrong" with the marriage. Or perhaps it is done out of frustration and anger. But regardless of the reason, why would anyone return to counseling if they've had a negative experience?

Many think that quickly sharing with the therapist all of the relationship's problems is somehow therapeutic. (Let me be clear about this. It isn't.) When a couple is in trouble, this usually makes matters worse, creating heat but no light. Others wrongly believe therapy is about "presenting your case" about your partner's misdeeds so the psychologist will then, in the role of judge, rule on guilt or innocence. Without question, this is not the psychologist's role, nor is it what couples therapy is about.

When a couple is struggling with their marriage, the last thing they need is a counseling experience that makes them worse.

Finally, although this is rarely acknowledged, traditional couples therapy can have a transparency problem.

Important information may not be shared with the therapist in the couples format because of shyness, or fear of being judged, verbally attacked, or shamed by one's partner during or after the session. How can therapy be helpful when the therapist doesn't have the relevant information?

But there is a better way. Because I don't want to take the risk of having the therapy fail before it even gets started, I will see you and your spouse in separate meetings. (Many years ago, this approach was called concurrent couples therapy, but, unfortunately, it is rarely practiced today). With this structure, you'll be able to relax and speak openly about the relationship's problems without fear of reprisal. Moreover, these meetings provide me with the opportunity to tell you what I really think is going on without my being concerned about insulting your partner. Finally, it allows me to provide specific advice about what is disrupting the marriage and how you can change it.

Aside from using the concurrent format, how do I help a couple move forward in their marriage? The answer lies in examining the two most important aspects of marriage, namely, harmony and connection, as those couples who experience this in their daily lives are truly blessed. In every session I will ask a series of questions: “what are the greatest obstacles to harmony and connection in your marriage? Can you spell these out? Can you be curious about how these specific impasses got started? Or, perhaps more importantly, how they are maintained? What are your fears or concerns about truly moving forward? What are you ready to change, and if you are not, what do you need from your partner to get ready?”

I am unpretentious and talk straight, and I am viewed as remarkably nonjudgmental.

Training and Professional Experience

My training occurred in a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored doctoral program in clinical psychology.

I was on the faculty of Temple University Medical School prior to starting my private practice, where I trained psychiatry residents.

I am nationally certified by the American Board of Professional Psychology. Further, I can now practice telepsychology in 42 states through my PSYPACT authorization.

I strive to provide a highly personalized level of care by limiting the size of my practice.

Feel free to call me with your questions. I return calls the same day. Typically, I will see you and your partner on alternate weeks, sometimes more frequently during a crisis. I look forward to speaking with you!