My work with couples is informed by nearly 40 years of clinical practice and focuses on the
following issues:
- uncontrolled criticism and blame
- boundaries with work, children or in-laws
- emotional withdrawal
- sexual conflicts, sexual dysfunction
- infidelity; pornography addiction
Getting Started
I prefer not to meet with a couple together in the same session. You may
think this unusual, but allow me to explain. Sadly, many times the outcome
of traditional couples therapy does not live up to expectations. I know this
to be true because half the couples I've seen have not been helped in
previous counseling despite their good intentions. Some have dropped out
after one or two sessions, well before significant matters could be
resolved.
There are common sense reasons for this. It is extremely awkward and even
humiliating to sit in a psychologist's office and have your spouse present a
list of your personal failings. Sometimes this is done out of a desperate
attempt to help the psychologist quickly understand what is "wrong" with the
marriage. Or perhaps it is done out of frustration and anger. But regardless
of the reason, why would anyone return to counseling if they've had a
negative experience?
Many think that quickly sharing with the therapist all of the relationship's
problems is somehow therapeutic. (Let me be clear about this. It isn't.)
When a couple is in trouble, this usually makes matters worse, creating heat
but no light. Others wrongly believe therapy is about "presenting your case"
about your partner's misdeeds so the psychologist will then, in the role of
judge, rule on guilt or innocence. Without question, this is not the
psychologist's role, nor is it what couples therapy is about.
When a couple is struggling with their marriage, the last thing they need is
a counseling experience that makes them worse.
Finally, although this is rarely acknowledged, traditional couples therapy can have a transparency problem.
Important information may not be shared with the therapist in the couples format because of shyness, or fear of being judged, verbally attacked, or shamed by one's partner. How can therapy be helpful when the therapist doesn't have the relevant information?
But there is a better way. Because I don't want to take the
risk of having the therapy fail before it even gets started,
I will see you and your spouse in separate meetings. (Many
years ago, this approach was called concurrent couples
therapy, but, unfortunately, it is rarely practiced today).
With this structure, you'll be able to relax and speak
openly about the relationship's problems without fear of
reprisal. Moreover, these meetings provide me with the
opportunity to tell you what I really think is going on
without my being concerned about insulting your partner.
Finally, it allows me to provide specific advice about what
is disrupting the marriage and how you can change it.
I am unpretentious and talk straight. I am more interested in the consequences
of our choices and behaviors than trying to consider their
moral correctness, and for this reason, I am viewed as
remarkably nonjudgmental.
Training and Professional Experience
My training occurred in a
National Institute of Mental Health
sponsored doctoral program in clinical
psychology.
I was on the faculty of Temple University
Medical School prior to starting my private
practice, where I trained psychiatry
residents.
I am nationally certified by the American
Board of Professional Psychology. Further,
I can practice telepsychology in most states
through my PSYPACT authorization.
I stay current with the field, and attend a
wide range of professional conferences that
match my diverse interests. These include
behavioral/cognitive approaches to therapy,
marriage and family therapy, sex therapy,
psychopharmacology, and health psychology.
Feel free to call me with your questions. I
return calls the same day. Typically, I will
see you and your partner on alternate weeks,
sometimes more frequently during a crisis.