Joseph Delvey, Jr., PhD

My work with couples is informed by nearly 40 years of clinical practice and focuses on the following issues:

• uncontrolled criticism and blame
• boundaries with work, children or in-laws
• emotional withdrawal
• sexual conflicts, sexual dysfunction
• infidelity; pornography addiction

Marriages get into trouble if one of these areas poses a significant problem and is not identified, acknowledged, and addressed.

Getting Started

I prefer not to meet with a couple together in the same session. You may think this unusual, but allow me to explain. Sadly, many times the outcome of traditional couples therapy does not live up to expectations. I know this to be true because half the couples I've seen have not been helped in previous counseling despite their good intentions. Some have dropped out after one or two sessions, well before significant matters could be resolved.

There are common sense reasons for this. It is extremely awkward and even humiliating to sit in a psychologist's office and have your spouse present a list of your personal failings. Sometimes this is done out of a desperate attempt to help the psychologist quickly understand what is "wrong" with the marriage. Or perhaps it is done out of frustration and anger. But regardless of the reason, why would anyone return to counseling if they've had a negative experience?

Many think that quickly sharing with the therapist all of the relationship's problems is somehow therapeutic. (Let me be clear about this. It isn't.) When a couple is in trouble, this usually makes matters worse, creating heat but no light. Others wrongly believe therapy is about "presenting your case" about your partner's misdeeds so the psychologist will then, in the role of judge, rule on guilt or innocence. Without question, this is not the psychologist's role, nor is it what couples therapy is about.

When a couple is struggling with their marriage, the last thing they need is a counseling experience that makes them worse.

Finally, although this is rarely acknowledged, traditional couples therapy has a transparency problem.

Important information is not shared with the therapist in the couples format because of shyness, or fear of being judged, verbally attacked, or shamed by one's partner. How can therapy be helpful when the therapist doesn't have the relevant information?

But there is a better way. Because I don't want to take the risk of having the therapy fail before it even gets started, I will see you and your spouse in separate meetings. (Many years ago, this approach was called concurrent couples therapy, but, unfortunately, it is rarely practiced today). With this structure, you'll be able to relax and speak openly about the relationship's problems without fear of reprisal. Moreover, these meetings provide me with the opportunity to tell you what I really think is going on without my being concerned about insulting your partner. Finally, it allows me to provide specific advice about what is disrupting the marriage and how you can change it.

I am unpretentious and talk straight. I strive to bring a sophisticated understanding about how relationship problems actually get started. I am more interested in the pragmatics of our choices and behaviors than trying to consider their moral correctness, and for this reason, I am viewed as remarkably nonjudgmental.

Training and Professional Experience

I am one of the more experienced and qualified psychologists in clinical practice in Bucks County. My training occurred in a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored doctoral program in clinical psychology.

I was on the faculty of Temple University Medical School prior to starting my private practice, where I trained psychiatry residents.

I am the only clinical psychologist in Bucks County nationally certified by the American Board of Professional Psychology.

I stay current with the field, and attend a wide range of professional conferences that match my diverse interests. These include behavioral/cognitive approaches to therapy, marriage and family therapy, sex therapy, psychopharmacology, and health psychology .

Feel free to call me with your questions. I return calls the same day. Typically, I will see you and your partner on alternate weeks, sometimes more frequently during a crisis. I currently conduct sessions with teleconferencing.